A Glimpse Into my Past

I realized recently that I had written a note on Facebook several years ago, back when I was still a Christan, before I was even out to myself as gay, let alone out to the world. It’s incredible to read this, because this was before I knew that depression was a thing (thanks to being raised in sheltered uber-Christanity). This is eye-opening, and helps quiet the voices that say “maybe if you stayed closeted and in Christianity, you wouldn’t get depressed!” Look! I have it written down from the past! Wow.

Anyway, here it is.

Why do I feel like crying?

Why do I feel like crying? I have everything I’ve ever really wanted. I work with a Christian ministry, with on-campus housing. All my friends are spiritual up-lifters. Every morning we get a mini-sermon/Bible study.

I have my own apartment, recently remodeled. I have my own set of wheels. I own a top-of the-line desktop computer as well as a laptop. I have had 3 1/2 year of college training in computer science.

I have a secure family that loves me. I have pastors that pray for me. I have a leader that cares for me and helps me grow. I have friends that encourage me.

I recently gave up to the Holy Spirit and listened to His guiding and removed a stumbling block from my life. Some of my friends told me they could see the joy and peace I felt from looking at my countenance.

But I also have a lot of work. I have social activities that I could be attending ’round the clock. I have a ping-pong table in the basement and people to play with till late hours. I have two forums that I need to stay on top of.

So with all the above, I have a lot to be thankful for. And I am! But am I doing too much? Am I wearing myself out? I often feel pressure to attend various gatherings and events. Should I learn to say no? I am not spending the time I want in God’s word. Is that why I feel like crying?

Why, Lord? I love you!

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A Dialogue on Homosexuality

I discovered that my brother Elliot had posted on Facebook some statistics he combined and that he believed were interesting. The following dialogue is contained in the comment thread. I have yet to reply to the latest comments. Continue reading

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“You really don’t like me!” ~ guest post by Amy M. Leibowitz

My good friend Amy is not only a fellow blogger and a wonderful person… she is also a published author! Her recently-released novel Lower Education (purchase links below) deals heavily with same-sex relationships, as well as other controversial topics. I asked her to discuss a rather sore topic: what about those who don’t like what you’re writing? Amy graciously shared her feelings in my first ever guest post. Thank you, Amy!

Does the question, “What if they stop liking me?” ever get any easier to answer? I’ve reached an age where I think I ought to stop asking that, yet somehow, it still niggles.

I write novels. Specifically, I write fiction with gay-themed romantic overtones. There’s a lot not to like about that, actually. We can start with all my conservative Christian friends who think I’m skating on the edge of hell and continue with anyone who believes female-identified persons should not write about gay or bisexual men. Continue reading

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Lower Education by A. M. Liebowitz – Cover Reveal!

Lower Education
By A. M. Leibowitz

Publisher: Supposed Crimes, LLC
Publication date: November 1, 2014


Phin Patterson is an educational consultant dissatisfied with his job and his life. On a mission to complete one last assignment before escaping his unfulfilling career and figure out what he wants, he accepts a commission from Donald Murdock at the New York State Education Department. Suddenly, he finds himself on his way to evaluate a tiny school in New York’s Southern Tier, not far from the town where he grew up. Now his only goal is to get in, do his job, and get out before anyone from his past remembers him. Continue reading

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Life – a Poem


Sometimes I can’t.
I can’t even.
I don’t even know what’s going on
but it hurts.
I don’t know why it hurts
except I do
but I don’t.

Ugh, why?
Why can’t life be easy?
Why do I feel
angry and
sad and
hurt and

Sometimes it’s really great
and I feel like I’m floating.
The sun is shining, and it’s actually me!
I’m shining! I feel awesome!
Life is good.
I can do anything or be anything I want.
I help people see their beauty
and their greatness.
That makes me feel good.

And then I get down.
And I hurt.
It aches
but I don’t even know why.

Something is lost.
Something I loved very much.
It’s gone
but I’m the one who threw it away.
And that hurts.
The tears roll down my insides
and over my aching heart
and I feel like I’m going to burst.

I know where it is. But
I know something better is coming.
I think.
Oh g-d, why?

I love myself, and
I accept myself,
even though I don’t understand myself.
And I forgive myself.

I do.

I am sad, but I have love.
I have love.
And I will give that love away.
My aching, bursting heart
needs to share the love
so it will not burst.
And I will be OK.

I will really be OK.
In fact, I will be better than OK.
I will be good!
I will be GREAT!

I can.
I will.
I am.
I am love.




~Sean-Allen Douglass Parfitt
~Tuesday, September 2nd, about 1:50 AM

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Recollections of Nail-Biting

I was reading results of a study on folks put through ex-gay therapy, and it reminded me of this interesting tidbit from my past.

Around my 22nd or 23rd year, I developed a theory about my “homosexual tendencies” and nail biting. See, I had been biting my nails for as long as I could remember, and I had also been attracted to men since I recognized attraction. In my Christian upbringing, addictions were often treated as a spiritual thing. Older men, first-generation Christians*, would often give testimony that when they got saved their drinking/drug/gamboling addictions would immediately disappear. Many other things, when done in excess, were also considered addictions, including nail biting, video gaming, and looking at pornography. Continue reading

Posted in Being Gay, Being Real, Coming Out, From the Heart, Fundamentalism, Thoughts on Religion | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment